What to do when nothing makes you happy.

Before you continue, you should know that I offer no definite solutions. A lot of this I haven’t even figured out myself so this may be a little like the blind leading the blind. If this begins to read like my own personal therapy, I apologise but the only thing I have ever gravitated toward was writing and it helps me release a lot of my pain. This leads me to my first point…

Release Your Pain

Easy to say I know. How do you release all that pain you have inside? If you’re anything like me your mind is a terrifying and awful place to be. You’re days are filled with worries for the future, regrets for the past or just a general feeling of self pity and hatred that you’re broken beyond repair. However you must know somewhere that isn’t true. You may be a mess yes but you are not broken, you just haven’t been fixed yet.

For a long time my favourite way to release my pain was to tell others about it. You can feel so terribly lonely sometimes and it helps to have someone listen and understand. The only problem with that is, unless they’re a paid professional, their advice can often be unreliable and the relief only temporary. The other danger here is as much as your friends/family or girlfriend love you and want to help, continuous exposure to your negative energy will exhaust them and in some cases drive them away. I speak from personal experience here but before you go and try and kill yourself again, there are other ways.

Before I began writing this, I was locked in a bathroom of a youth hostel having another one of my daily existential freak outs. However as I write I find my pain subsiding, absorbed by the words. My point is sometimes we need a creative way to gather our thoughts. It sounds cliche but creativity goes hand in hand with depression for good reason. No good art was ever made when everything was wonderful, it was born from the fire of struggle and pain and lifted itself out through sheer survivalist instinct. I’m by no means saying that you should stay sad for your art, do everything yo can to be happy, I’m simply pointing out the positive aspects of negativity. Without one, we would not have the other.

I was about to write here ‘if you were always happy, how would you know’ but realise that’s a bunch of bullshit to people like us. Chances are you’re not sad all the time, it’s possible you were happy yesterday, or a month ago or a year ago but you’ve forgotten what it feels like and right now it seems the darkness is all there is.

You are NOT alone

This is a fairly obvious one. If you’ve done enough research and soul searching into your condition, you know that often we feel this way because we shut ourselves off. It’s a vicious cycle. The only way to feel connected to someone is to tell them of your pain but you don’t want them to be in pain too because it would make you feel even worse so don’t so you feel alone. How do you break this cycle? Be alone.

It’s hard to hear but no one cares about you unless it’s in their own self interest, this is psychological egoism. An example of this is the argument that the only reason people are charitable is because it makes them feel good or it makes them feel bad to see others in pain and they want to ease their own pain. This may seem like a reason to give up on everybody and the world but really it stands to reason that the only reason you’re sad is that somehow it feels good or even safe. We must take responsibility for our own minds and the realities we create. Be alone, sit in that feeling. Get comfortable in your own mind because you are the only one that will ever care about you as much as you’re so desperate for others to care.

If you’re reading this it’s probably because you feel a lot. I don’t just mean now but every day. You are most likely suppressing some pretty deep emotions right now. The important thing is to not distract yourself from those emotions. Feel them, sit alone with them and, when you’re ready, channel them into something good or even just okay. You don’t even have to share it with anyone. Chances are no one will ever read these words but nonetheless, the best way to learn is to teach so I’m helping myself here as well as a fictitious you.

Suicide

First thing’s first, a little disclaimer. I am not a believer in an after life and if you’re my brand of existentially depressed, you probably don’t either. In my mind there is no hell awaiting those who kill themselves. I certainly would have done it by now if I had the courage and if you really truly honestly one hundred and twenty percent believe that there is zero joy to be had for you on this earth then I will not try and stop you. Your life is yours to command.

However, if you know that there are happier days around the corner and in your heart of hearts you know this is a temporary state then I urge you not to. As someone who is only alive today due to some bad Chinese manufacturing, I can tell you there are good moments and bad moments.

Good moments feel amazing and seem to solve all your problems. They’re the moments where things start to look up and you realise life isn’t so bad. Maybe the sad parts are finally all behind you? If you could just remember this feeling then you wouldn’t be so sad anymore, not if you knew it will lead to this again. Then you do forget and those are the bad moments. In these moments, those good feelings you once had feel like a holiday, a quick delusional jaunt before returning to your regularly scheduled programming. There is no hope, just the despair that’s always been there clawing it’s way out. The voice existing even in the happy moments telling you this will soon be over. There is nothing positive I can say about this voice because it has nothing positive to say about me. I’m not going to try and pretend it’s a liar, sometimes it’s on the money but a lot of the time its just fear. It’s creating scenarios and realities that never existed and we follow it’s advice because we remember it was right once when we were twelve and you were rejected for being you.

You.

This voice is a part of you but it isn’t you. You are a whole bunch of different personalities and emotions but the sad one has you backed into a corner with it’s tricky logic and clever lies. It’s a bully. So how do we fight bullies? Pushing against them or fighting back just encourages them to grow in power and find new ways to pummel you.

This is the hardest thing you will ever do but the only way to defeat your bully is to acknowledge it’s concerns and simply decide you aren’t going to let it get to you. The bully will put up a huge fight at first but stay strong, please, for you stay strong. Eventually the bully will get tired and leave you alone.

Once the bully is no longer a fear, it doesn’t control you. You are free to discover just exactly what you are away from it. Maybe you’ll find you do enjoy certain things, life without the bully isn’t perfect but at least it’ll help you put down the razor blade and pick up a hobby.

I’m not happy

And that’s okay. I know I will be happy again but for now I am not. However I will not let it control me. Fear protects us but it does not serve us or get us anything. Spend time with your fears so you know how to master them. Go out and do things you hate, you won’t believe how much it will make you appreciate the things you love. The only way to go is up. Hopefully I’ll see you there.